It’s a tried-and-true technique for getting teenagers to open up, but this one actually works well for kids of all ages. If you’re after meaningful conversation, make sure the conditions are set up for success. Even the best conversation starter has the potential to be irritating to a sleepy, hungry or grumpy child. Plus, there’s always a chance that your child just wasn’t feeling very chatty in that moment (more on that below). There’s naturally going to be some trial-and-error when it comes to finding out what types of questions your kid finds most engaging. Not every conversation starter will trigger the lively discussion you were hoping for, and that’s OK. Don’t stress if the conversation doesn’t flow freely.Instead, try something like “how was your math test?” Specific questions are a lot easier to answer and a more effective way to jog your kid’s memory about the rest of their day. The problem here isn’t necessarily that your child doesn’t want to talk, it’s just that they draw a blank when confronted with such a general question. Case in point: the poor success rate of the old “how was school?” standby. Specific questions are better than general ones.Of course, the kind of questions you ask will depend on the age of the child, so it’s a good thing that our list of conversation starters has options you can test out on preschoolers, teens and every kid in between. Also, Heyman recommends that you avoid questions for which you feel there’s a right or wrong answer, as these are more likely to make your child feel judged-and that’s, well, a non-starter. For obvious reasons, it’s advisable to steer clear of questions that lead to one-word responses (like, “did you like your lunch today?” or “do you have a lot of homework?”). So, what makes a good conversation starter? In an article for Psychology Today, professor of psychology at UCSD Gail Heyman explains that an effective conversation starter is basically any question that helps parents “better understand the rich network of thoughts and feelings that shape their children’s developing sense of themselves and the world around them.” As such, you’re more likely to achieve the desired result if you ask a question that relates in some way to the child’s experiences or interests. They also really come in handy when you’re trying to get a reluctant kid to talk-namely because they ensure you don’t fall into the dead-end conversation trap in which familiar questions are met with one-word answers and the parent-child chat comes to a screeching halt. To this end, conversation starters are helpful to kids and adults alike as a means of breaking the ice and setting the stage for a meaningful connection. When you’re able to strike up a rewarding conversation with your kids, you’re teaching them valuable social skills-like how to do the same with others-while also establishing a dynamic in which they’re more likely to come to you when they’ve really got something on their minds.
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